This Word Has the Power To Eliminate Failure
The Game Our Minds Play
Until last week, I used to think that I was a high performer who was in control and capable of making anything happen.
Boy, it turns out nothing could be further from the truth.
I think this misbelief started to take root early on my self-development path.
Don't get me wrong; this is the same path where I realized I was living a tiny, little life. I didn't have a master plan. I didn't even have a plan. The control I thought I had boiled down to a very reactive life — getting up, dealing with what was in front of me, trying my best, and going to bed.
Rinse and repeat.
"Even a meaningless life may contain many good breakfasts." — Ashleigh Brilliant
At that time, I would have described myself as a high performer who was hardworking, disciplined, and in control.
This could have been my mantra:
"It was character that got us out of bed, commitment that moved us into action, and discipline that enabled us to follow through." — Zig Ziglar
Of course, working hard was something I learned early. When I was 7, my parents had it with the rat race. After months of searching, they purchased a gas station and post office in a backwater town with a population under 1,000. They were free and could live life on their terms.
That "freedom" included living in the space wedged between two storefronts in the same building. Working 14 hours every day, 7 days a week, 363 days a year (they closed on Christmas and New Year's day).
We lived this life until I moved away after high school… working hard has been modelled repeatedly in my life. Not only from the behaviour of my parents but from the celebrities we idolize:
"Work hard now. Don't wait. If you work hard enough, you'll be given what you deserve." — Shaquille O 'Neal
Once we moved to Thailand in late 2017, I realized I had moved halfway around the world but still lived the same rinse and repeat life. Sure, I had taken significant action to restart my life. But otherwise, it was cookie cutter.
This sent me to dig deeper into my self-development quest, and I got very interested in the effects of psychology on performance.
I devoured author Ben Hardy's (Now Dr. Benjamin Hardy) "Willpower Doesn't Work," and I was hooked. I could see the new path — he had handed me a structure to be a "hard worker" AND achieve all my goals.
I signed up for his AMP Program (Accelerated Momentum Program) and was ready to 10X my life. I was doing more, accomplishing more, and making real progress toward my goals.
I had "found" a way to be more productive than even — by setting more goals for myself. I LOVED IT!
"You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." — Marcus Aurelius
Through this phase, many authors further expanded my understanding of how the brain works, including Carol Dweck — the Godmother of "Growth Mindsets," Susan Davis, "Emotional Agility," and Brendon Burchard, "High-Performance Habits" to name a few.
I developed my 25-year life goals, honed my morning and evening routines with goal setting and reflection, and actively adopted the mindset of a "High Performer."
"It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped." — Tony Robbins
Last year, I launched my start-up. For the past 12 months, I put my nose to the grindstone and my shoulder into it and every other silly idiom to describe hard work. And yet I still have not made progress. I honestly have never worked this hard and have had so little to show.
It's a very dark place, and I can't see the way out. The more I try, the deeper I go — the fear is mounting.
I've burned through our life savings — As a high performer, I MUST succeed! I CAN NOT quit, I CAN Fix this, I WILL get this working…
But nothing is working. I invest more into the best coaching and training. I tell myself, "I just need to try harder."
As I hunt for my saviour, I turn to sales expert Dan Kenney and hear, "Don't tell me about the labour; show me the baby." My labour was long, but my baby was stillborn. I begin to question myself, my commitment, my abilities.
I start binge-listening to Russel Brunson's "Marketing Secrets Podcast." I'm desperate for answers.
I find a nugget — Face your fear. Russel tells the story of his friend that's facing business failure. He tells him that you have to face it and be ok with the worst things he fears about failure. Otherwise, he will be stuck and can't move forward.
My "worst things" list includes:
- Stopping my Thai start-up as I had already invested so much.
- Telling my husband that I have lost it all and couldn't make it back.
I journaled about Russel's advice for a couple of days and finally can see fear's power over me related to failure — but I'm not "ok" with the outcomes… yet.
Then by chance, the podcast switches, and there's Russel sharing something he learned from Tom Bilyeu during an interview.
Tom told him about the power of mindset and explained how powerful the story we use to describe ourselves is to our brain. These labels like "High Performer" can help us push ourselves when we move towards something — but they are hard to live with as they only leave the "failure" outcome when things don't go well.
Tom brilliantly identified that the most adaptable mindset is "Learner" because there is always something you can learn regardless of the outcome.
The fog started to lift at that moment, and I could see my first step forward. I COULD accept the worst case! I could stop the business and tell my husband because I had not failed, but I had learned so much!
"Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward." — Henry Ford
Since hearing that podcast, I've been living the "Learner" mindset, and things feel better. This new perspective has reopened the opportunities and shut down my self-loathing self.
I've endured so much suffering that I have inflicted on myself in the past year. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars searching for a solution to avoid "failure." Never realizing that I could have avoided it all by adjusting my mindset with this one simple word, "Learner."
"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." — Buddha
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